Energy

Tonight’s soundtrack:

(I seriously love this song, I could listen to it over and over again for days.)

I once heard that the worst pain you can cause a narcissist that has ensnared you is to escape from them and lead a happy life where they can’t touch you.

But I think there’s a greater victory….escaping the narcissist, leading a happy life, and getting everything they took from you and more. And there’s not a damn thing the narcissist or their lieutenants can do to stop it. It’s just fucking beautiful.

Energy can never be created or destroyed, it will just take on a new form.

Water can transform into ice or steam and then become water again.

We never really die, we just change form when we leave our human bodies and go back to the spirit realm. And then we can choose to come back again…or not…or go somewhere else.

Energy can never be created or destroyed, it just takes on a new form.

I thought I understood what that meant.

And I suppose intellectually I did but I never saw it show up so clearly in my own life until now, and I almost wonder if you really can understand it until you see it.

It’s one of those things where the universe is hitting me over the head with a sledgehammer saying YOU MANIFESTED THIS and suddenly I saw things I didn’t see before. Sometimes, that slight tweak in perspective makes it all so clear.

Sometimes, we put energy into things that don’t work out. Those things might be people, they might be projects, they can really be anything. If we should hit a dead end with whatever that thing is, it can seem like a complete waste, like “I did all this work and all I got was this stupid t-shirt” sort of thing.

But the energy you put into that thing didn’t disappear. It just changed forms.

And eventually, you’ll see that karma has your back in a big way.

(Or, I suppose a negative way depending on your contributions).

What we experience in the world will be the sum total of our contributions.

We may not get it on the timetable we want, but we will get it on the timetable we’re ready for. But if we throw energy at something, that energy will turn into something eventually.

And if you surrender to that reality, just let go and let the universe do its job, it will.

---

Changed the soundtrack:

---

But letting go was key.

I never understood that.

Letting go is probably one of the aspects of life that I have the most trouble with. My coach says that he thinks in a previous life, I died earlier than I was supposed to and as a result, I cling onto things so they won’t be ripped away in this lifetime. Which, of course, means letting go is probably one of my lessons in this lifetime.

It’s so fucking hard for me, I have to basically be pushed to the very limit either physically or emotionally before I do it. Like I’m hanging onto a cliff and God is trying to get me to fall off and literally has to pick up a rock and hit my hands with it until I let go, that’s how hard I hang on.

Once I let go, I fall down.

It hurts.

And then you recover.

But recovering takes time, and recovering is part of the process of getting the sum total of your contributions since the energy changed forms.

In order to be able to receive the energy in a new way, you need to be able to have a mindset that will allow you to.

You need a mindset that is receptive (and a mindset that is resisting is not one that is receptive).

Because if you’re not receptive, you won’t see the opportunity when it manifests right in front of you.

I know that I had to let it go for it to manifest because I really had to be in a certain mindset to even be able to recognize the opportunity.

I almost missed it. I almost didn’t see it. But once it arrived, it just kept tap-tap-tap-tap-tapping me on the shoulder until I noticed it.

Once I had given up, I ended up getting what I wanted and it was/is the sweetest tasting experience in the world.

And the way it was delivered was so on point that I’m still in shock that this is actually real life. It’s one of those “there are no coincidences” situations where there are so many random overlaps that it really is undeniable.

I can barely believe how lucky I am, but I also know that it isn’t just dumb luck. There’s a reason for it and the surrender made it happen.

And knowing what I know, knowing that they tried to destroy me and knowing that I not only survived, not only did I get away, not only did I get to carve my own path, not only was I able to build what I wanted, but the universe would also give me the gift of giving me something so valuable you can’t buy it with money but rather costs energy and focus and desire to create it out of sheer willpower…

Fuck me, God is amazing.

Things happen for a reason, but people also have free will. They are allowed to deviate from the path they choose when they’re here. Their life will be fundamentally harder when they do it, but they’re allowed to do it nonetheless because your journey has to be a journey of your choosing, and you are always allowed to change your mind if you would prefer a different experience.

But I’ll tell you what….I really think letting go is going to be much easier for me from now on because I’ve experienced the sweet, sweet victory of what happens when you do it…and I couldn’t be happier.

Life is fucking awesome.